Winter Break, Part 2: The Valentine's Day to end all Valentine's Days

Now onto what we actually did over the break...

My post-plane stress instantly disappeared when I arrived at our beautiful hotel on the beach. I only had a rolling suitcase, but the bellboy dressed inexplicably in German lederhosen insisted on carrying it the strenuous three feet to the hotel lobby. Upon entering, I was greeted by my mom and yet another ledhosen-ed bellboy carrying a platter of champagne glasses. All of these things seemed like very good omens, and indeed they were.

Awesome view from our balcony 

The first night, we went down to the jazz bar and very quickly befriended the bartender. I asked for a simple cava, but after he went on and on about how he could make me literally anything on the planet, I gave in and told him to surprise me. I was not expecting the extravagance that followed:

This also reminded me that it was Valentine's Day and
my mom and I were surrounded by a troop of
ancient British couples.  

See-what-ridiculous-drink-the-bartender-will-make-next turned out to be a really, really fun game. As we sat at the bar, I saw the guy make these:

The number of different vessels they had for serving
beverages was unreal

And these:

 

One of the million adorable British couples  

And also—this one I didn’t get a picture of—there was one drink that consisted of a laboriously crafted daiquiri, which was poured into a conch shell, which he proceeded to place into a treasure chest, which he then filled with dried fruit and a tea candle.

Before going to dinner, I requested an aperitif-type drink with a kick. This was a mistake, as after the guy poured my seemingly normal drink, he torched absinthe on top of it and sprinkled it with a handful of hashish...A very fun dinner followed.

My kind of art

After dinner we actually went back to the bar to watch some jazz, and the nice man made us a ridiculous beverage made with sake and then a desert drink garnished with chocolates.

Keeping with the theme after our sushi dinner 

Promise this is the last picture of a drinkable liquid 

At this point mom had told everyone that I write a blog, and these guys were convinced that I was an actual writer that had actual power to promote their bar. The rest of the stay they treated me like I was important, which often confused other bar patrons. For example: one time, both the couple next to me and I ordered a glass of cava. When our drinks came out, they had standard champagne glasses and a small bowl of nuts; whereas my drink was garnished with mint leaves, placed in a box filled with dried fruit, and accompanied by three bowls of varying snacks. So, now I know being a fake travel blogger is a fantastic career option.

The next day mom and I went down to the spa for a body scrub and a hot stone massage. I had never received a real massage, so I was interested to see what the hype was about. Turns out, I’m not very good at them.

Examples:

1. Undressed when I wasn’t supposed to at least 3 times
2. Consistently misunderstood whether I was supposed to be under, over, inside of, making origami out of the towel
3. Never figured out how to position my face in the face hole
4. For some reason I thought that if I breathed in too deeply all the stones would roll off of me and burn something, so I ended up alternating between sort of holding my breath and then slowly letting it out and trying not to gasp for air

Also, since I’m not familiar with the process, I wasn’t sure when things were supposed to be painful. I just figured that the vicious scrubbing of my body with what I presume was sandpaper was supposed to be slightly uncomfortable because my skin felt wonderful afterward. I saw it as a “no pain no gain” type thing. Now I know that I just have absurdly sensitive skin and you are indeed allowed to voice opinions/preferences during a massage session. The more you learn...

Luckily, the next day when we had a facial, the same woman who did my massage greeted me at the door. Since she already knew I was awkward and uneducated in the nuances of spa-ing, she provided more explicit instructions and I was able to redeem myself. Jokes aside, everything was fantastically wonderful and I would go to a spa on a weekly basis if I had the time and money.

Also, the spa also included sauna rooms. I had never been in a sauna, so I was didn’t really know what to expect, but apparently they make me very tired. I haven’t napped in years, but every time after leaving that tiny heated box I instantly fell asleep. This might just be because I have not actually allowed myself to relax to that extent in years, but whatever the case, it was a cool discovery.

There was also also an indoor pool in the spa, where we did probably one of my favorite activities of the trip: a water aerobics class attended by a giant pack of eighty year old British grannies and led by a young Spanish woman who spoke no English and played very loud EDM music.

Honestly, watching old ladies swing noodles around with stern, concentrated expressions to the rhythm of obscure American EDM remixes was not just one of the high points of the trip, but probably of my existence.

I give these women a ton of credit, though. Going in, I arrogantly thought that I wouldn’t even break a sweat or feel a twinge. However, water aerobics can be kind of hard and I found myself having to force myself through the movements at the end so I wouldn’t look like a big loser in front of the Granny squad. 

But moving on...I think it was the next day that we walked into the town center. It was a lovely stroll along the coastline, and we had lunch at a place right on the water. It was fantastic and the super nice waiter even gave us a pitcher of sangria on the house. Spanish hospitality is the best.

Obligatory beach pic

This mountain was unavoidable and always looming in the background.
Like, even when on the other freaking side of the island it somehow
made it into all of my pictures. It's like the mountain equivalent of
Mona Lisa's eyes.

A different, less invasive mountain

Creeping on other tourists

Volcanic stuffs

Kite and wind surfing are a BIG deal and it looked super fun, but we
decided to stick with water aerobics

GET OUT OF MY PICTURES, MOUNTAIN

eeeeEGGHHH

In the adorable fishing village of Corralejo

I thought this guy came out of no where just to ruin my picture but really
he made it so much better

Fellow vacationers 

Intruding mountain's more inconspicuous twin 

I can't even build one successful drip castle and this guy made an entire
city of them 

Corralejo was 90% beachside restaurants 10% a port

This is more pictures of scenery than anyone could possibly caption

Photo bombed once again

Thankfully, even though Fuerteventura is sort of far from Spain, sangria is
still a big deal

Turns out cocktail sauce here is more or less thousand island dressing,
but this in no way detracts from the deliciousness

Mom got some AMAZING fried octopus topped with
an equally amazing green mystery sauce

Apparently peace signs are still a popular thing on isolated islands

Mom with some pretty flowers

Otherwise, we ate some of the best dinners I’ve ever consumed (seriously, these family visits have irreversibly spoiled me and my restaurant expectations) and had the greatest Valentine’s retreat I could imagine. Boyfriends have officially been rendered unnecessary; I would be entirely content to spend all romantic holidays henceforth with my mother.

Speaking of boyfriends...I’ll finish up the break and post about our time with Carson and his parents very, very soon!