All things holiday

Cam's arrival coincided with some awesome Christmas-y events and we had a wonderful, festive weekend drinking Christmas beer, listening to Christmas songs, putting up Christmas lights, etc etc. Cam’s visit also gave us the chance to act like tourists…and by that I mean we used his presence as an excuse to eat more pastries than usual and compare every baguette in the neighborhood.

The most magical moment of the weekend was when it started to snow at the Christmas market. I nearly exploded with festive cheer. The Christmas market is indeed adorable and fantastic at capitalizing on how much of a chump I am during the holidays. Along with standard Christmas market fare, they also sell everyone’s favorite foods and beverages BUT made even better by being heated up and/or spiced. Examples: hot wine, melted cheese, hot waffles, spicy hot beer (skeptical about this one but I obviously have to try it because it’s seasonal and I bet it’s Santa’s drink of choice), and so on…

The best part is that we can continue these activities this weekend with Katie. Also, unrelated to Christmas, I am very excited to have someone to talk to when Cam and Carson start talking about Star Wars. It was fine at the beginning, but I can only handle listening to so many theories about Jar Jar Binx. (I feel like I should be embarrassed by how wrong I potentially spelled this/Carson will never let me live it down, but I’m leaving it as is to show the extent of mental effort that I am willing to put towards Star Wars from now on).

It snowed on and off all of Sunday and we could not have been more obnoxiously happy about it. Also, the festive cheer continued all week thanks to the reception of two awesome packages from Cathy and my Dad. Carson’s mom sent us a BUNCH of thanksgiving food that you can’t find here (pumpkin purée, Pepperage farm stuffing mix, cranberry sauce in a can, corn muffin mix, and of course a bag of Reece’s) through a magical service called my American Market. I can’t decide if I’m more excited about the cranberry sauce (Cathy had no idea but canned cranberry sauce is possibly my favorite thing on the planet) or the pumpkin pie. We’ll be sure to take pictures of all of our creations.

Of course, Carson was able to pick up his package from the post office without any issues, while I had to go on a horrible bureaucratic treasure hunt to find mine. I saw the package slip after work one day, and dropped all my intended plans to trudge to the post office in the rain because I REALLY wanted that package. When I got there, the man informed me that the package was not there and that he could not do anything to help me find it because he had no computers...or Internet...or phone. Apparently our post office was moving locations and only acting as a...kind of...post office. He advised me to go online and look up my package location. When I did this, it once again said that it was at the same post office. I went back the next day and the same guy still had no idea. I asked if it could be at another post office, to which he responded: “Yeah, I just don’t think it would be at another one.”

....well if it isn’t at this one, and it isn’t at my house, then where the hell could it be?? Is there a secret location in France that random packages are put just so France can maintain its reputation as the least efficient western European country to exist ever?

Anyway...I checked online again the next day and it said there was something wrong with the address. I sent them a strongly worded message over Facebook (because they didn’t have an email or phone number...?) confirming that the address was correct and WHERE THE HELL IS MY PACKAGE. My status the next day said “out for delivery,” so I waited eagerly at home.

When I checked it again a bit later, it said it had been delivered...to the same post office it had already been delivered to three times. I returned again, this time with absolutely zero percent hope, and found that it was just...closed down overnight. Entirely. I was baffled at the inability of this post office to just be a post office. There was an address vaguely written on a sheet of paper taped to the door, so I figured I would give it a shot since it was close by.

Finally, I got my package. I have no idea why the guy didn’t mention that this post office about 50 feet away existed. Regardless, it was worth the wait and Carson and I have no idea what to do with all of the incredible food now in our possession. My dad sent a very random and wide assortment of items, from chocolate covered Oreos that are decorated like penguins to a container of tuna...so we will certainly have fun with that over the next few weeks.

In other news, since it’s Thanksgiving, we’re going over to a friend’s place for dinner. There should be about 10 people and in theory everyone is bringing a dish. I’m still not sure what I’m going to take, but I don’t have any time to cook and don’t want to lug a casserole across the city, so I’ll probably take some canned green beans...and more than likely wine so that people will forget that I’m the one who brought canned green beans.

After dinner, we’re going to pick up Katie at the train station. She gets in pretty late and Carson and I work on Fridays, so we our having our official friendsgiving on Saturday. We will be sure to take pictures of all the awesome stuff we make AND of the beautiful decorations I put up this week. I found a fake tree for 5 euros that actually looks great and a bunch of other adorable things that need to be shown in pictures and not just described. I PROMISE the next post will contain pictures. Promise.

Anywho, happy thanksgiving!! We love and miss you all and are thankful for your existence/hope you have the most wonderful day possible!

Drake + literally anything = a successful lesson plan

Making lesson plans that you actually want to teach and that the kids actually want to sit through is hard. That is why I am very, very proud of my most recent, which I have named Desert Island.

...I realize now that the title is slightly less original and climactic than I previously thought...so, I’ll have to rethink that. BUT, regardless, the game had hysterical and wonderful results that I think are necessary to share with you all. (Also—I should specify considering my readership—Drake is a very famous rapper. If you do not already know who Drake is, this is all going to seem significantly less funny).

The PowerPoint starts like this:

I am sending all of you to a deserted island.

I’m going to give you scenarios and a list of 9 objects.

In groups of 2, you have to decide what objects you will use and how you will use them to resolve the problem given in the scenario. In ENGRRISSHHHH PLLLLZZZZZ. But seriously. Please.

You will present your plan to the class and I will decide who has the best plan.

The objects are:

1. A fork

2. A flashlight

3. Toilet paper

4. A jar of pickles

5. A sheep

6. A Christmas tree

7. A yo-yo

8. Three paperclips

9. Drake

Scenario 1:

You are stranded on a glacier in the middle of the ocean. You see a boat in the distance and must find a way to get its attention. You can choose 3 objects to help you accomplish this task. Which will you choose and how will you use them?

The winner:

“We put a christmas tree on the glacier. We put Drake at the top of the tree. We put paperclips on his nipples so he is in pain and scream and get the attention of the boat.”

Brilliant. I immediately knew this was going to be amazing.

Scenario 2:

You manage to flag down the boat; however, you then notice that a pack of flesh-eating, zombie seals is approaching you. You have to evade them, distract them, or kill them. You may choose 3 different objects to accomplish this task.

The winner:

Student: “We will use pickles, the flashlight, and Drake. We put the jar of pickles on the edge of the glacier so the seals will eat them and fall off and shine a flashlight near the pickles so that we can watch the seals go into ocean.”

Me: “Wait, what about Drake?”

Student: “Oh, Drake is there to, you know, lighten the mood.”

I thought this was hilarious, because that’s exactly what Drake’s purpose would be on a deserted island.

Scenario 3:

Hooray! You’re still alive. And look! The boat is here.

Unfortunately, the captain of the boat needs a fancy new hat and says that you must make one for him before getting on the ship. You may choose 4 objects to make a fancy hat for the captain. Draw a picture of the hat.

The winner:

I don’t remember exactly but it was shockingly disgusting/morbid and had something to do with Drake’s left buttock.

Anyway, that was fun. I’m excited for the teaching week to be over in any case because 1. I am exhausted and 2. Cam-a-Claus is coming to town! Or rather, Katie’s (one of our BFFs who is doing TAPIF in Grenoble) boyfriend Cameron is coming to stay with us for the weekend. He’s woofing (some sort of farming thing...) in Lille for the next few weeks; so, we will hopefully be seeing a lot of him. We are super excited about this because Cam is the best. If I manage to peer pressure Katie into getting out of work, she’s going to come to Lille next weekend so we can all four be reunited. I am determined to make this happen because we could have friendsgiving + friendsmas all at once, which is a dream.

In other news, Lille is in decked out in all things Christmas with the decorations and lights and market and gigantic Farris wheel etc etc. It’s beautiful, and now that Carson’s iPhone is again functioning, we will be taking lots of pictures. Expect a bunch in the next post and everyone have a great weekend!

A quick note on Paris

I’ve started and erased this post several times. I am not sure how to talk about anything other than the events of this past Friday, but at the same time I do not assume to have any unique insight into tragedy. I can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said, but the victims and their families and friends are at the front of my mind, as are Paris and the French people.

Carson and I are safe and everything is carrying on as usual; school was not canceled and all stores/businesses/etc. have remained open. Security has tightened up at the train station and other places that get a lot of foot traffic. No one needs to worry about us.

The fear and sadness is impossible to ignore. That being said, the amount of support and empathy I’ve seen over the past few days is perhaps equally evident. Empathy is a weird thing. Everyone naturally empathizes, though some are better at it than others, and it’s basically like a sixth sense. I think as long as we don’t lose this ability to feel/understand the emotions of others, we will always have the necessary support to get through terrible events like this.

Despite anxiety and grief, life goes on and we have to return to our everyday responsibilities. However, as we do so, this event will remain in our thoughts and we will continue to spread our support and empathize with those affected.

Ariana Grande: The only good thing about America

The second week of classes has been going significantly more smoothly now that I am aware of what I’m supposed to be doing. That being said, it turns out that my task of “just making them speak” is kind of difficult. Speaking a foreign language in front of your school friends/an actual native speaker is daunting and a horrible thing to be forced to do. I sympathize greatly because I was in this position not long ago; however, I also know that the most dreaded, embarrassing activities are what really improved my French. So...bottom line is, I’m just glad to not be them.

But really, I enjoy the challenge of forcing them to participate while simultaneously making the situation somewhat comfortable. It’s allowed me to get creative/come up with some (hopefully) cool ideas that I’m excited to try after I’ve had my “introduction” day with all of my classes. (I essentially have a different group of students every period for two weeks). Introduction days are fine and probably necessary, but I’m ready to move on to actual lessons because I might strangle something if I have to answer one more question about McDonalds or Ed Sheeran.

Actually, at the end of the day on Monday (I have 6 classes in a row, which is...just a lot) I was so tired of questions that I cut the Q&A short. I also ended it because I wasn’t sure if the students were actually picking up on anything I was saying. They were just nodding and smiling at everything, which is what I do when I don’t understand or am not paying attention, so I became suspicious. I decided to do a quick dictation to see if I was talking to actual humans or the equivalent of a sack of potatoes. The dictation was:

I went to university in North Carolina, where I received degrees in music and in French. I like to sing and when French people say the word “squirrel.”

As expected, the outcome was hilarious. Highlights include:

About half the class wrote: I received the Grease in music and in French.

Yes. This Grease.

I like to sing and when French people say “sure.”

I like to sing and when French people say ????

I like to sing and when French people say “school.”

I like to sing and when French people say no words at all.      

The last one was my personal favorite. Since this was so entertaining, I’ve decided to start every class with a weird dictation and then make them pronounce the weird words/learn the vocabulary.

I then told the class to write down what they wanted to discuss/learn in the course (once again, avoiding questions). Here are some of my favorite suggestions:

From the kid who thinks Ariana Grande is America's sole redeeming quality: 

“American foreign policy interests me even if I’m not a fan of America. I don’t like America a lot. Or  I want to talk about Ariana Grande because she a good singer.”

The political savant:

“I’m interested in the battle between Donald Trump against Kanye West. I’m intrigued by the talk show like Ellen’s show or Oprah whatever. Is the political system look like “Scandal” series?

The one who didn’t remotely understand the assignment...or where Harry Potter lives:

“I would like to go to Orlando in order to visit Hogwarts.”

The Grinch:

“I don’t want to talk about politics. And the other assistant talked about Thanksgiving and Christmas year before so I don’t want to talk about this.”

I immediately threw the last one in the trashcan and informed her that Christmas would be discussed every period during the month of December regardless of how she felt about it.

But anyway, they really are great/respectful kids and a lot of them are fantastic at English. The rest of the week should be pretty easy and I’ll have more updates soon!

France: The Land of Quasi-Officialness

Since we were both getting over a cold/tired from our Amsterdam trip, Carson and I stayed in on Halloween and were generally lazy. The most festive thing we did was walk all the way downstairs to the soap/candle shop, where they were handing out candy, giving scary makeovers, and selling Halloween scented Yankee candles. All of these themed on-goings were to promote a clothing line, which was selling T-shirts in the shop. This seemed like a weird, non-intuitive place to promote merchandise, especially considering the shop is as big as an unimpressively sized closet, but it was cute to see nonetheless.

That night, things started to get really crazy. We watched “A Series of Unfortunate Events” and I made jack-o-lantern themed pumpkin tagine. Not going to lie, I am super proud of how it turned out.

Probably more adorable than scary

I can’t remember if it was that day or the day before or some other time in space (my brain is mush), but I went to the pharmacy to try to get something like Nyquil, where I ran into a cultural difference that I was entirely unaware of.

If you have a cold in America, you can walk into almost any store, pick up your drugs, and get on with life. In France, you have to go specifically to a pharmacy and all of the drugs are behind the counter. Also in France, instead of just giving you what you ask for, the pharmacists are supposed to diagnose you and then tell you what you need.

I personally feel that I know how to handle the common cold and require no unsolicited advice from pseudo-physcians. Taking Sudafed and eating soup is just not that hard. Anyway, I digress; the conversation basically went like this:

Me: Hi, I have a cold. I would like something to help me sleep at night and unclog my nose.

Prying pharmacist: Okay, are you already taking something for the daytime? Or is this only happening at nighttime?

...Yes. Yes, I have an exclusively nocturnal cold.

Me: No...I already have something for the day. I need something for night. So I can sleep. Something like Nyquil.

Sir pharm’s a-lot: What are you taking during the day?

Me: *Becoming increasingly more impatient/confused by the length of this interaction* I don’t know. My boyfriend bought it. I just want the nighttime medication for colds. I see it right there. That is what I want.

Pharmacist of my actual nightmares: So, your boyfriend also has a cold? Is this what you are taking? *Shows box that has daytime and nighttime pills in it.*

Me: No, but that is what I want. That has nighttime pills in it. I would like to buy that box.

Worst human in world: Well you can’t just start taking these new pills if you’re already taking another brand. Also, this will not help with congestion. We will start you on a new regiment. *Proceeds to put a pile of drugs on the counter.* This is a nasal spray. You can use this at night to unclog your nose. This is a device to clean your nose before putting in the nasal spray. This is a new set of daytime pills to complete the new regiment.

Me: *Dies inside.* Well...no...I don’t need a new regiment. I want something to help me sleep and unclog my nose. I just don’t sleep well with a cold.

Satan posing as unqualified doctor: Well, frankly, nighttime cold medicine won’t unclog your nose.

…Then why do nighttime cold drugs exist?? I don’t care if it gives me exorcist-like side effects as long as it also knocks me out.

Me: You know, I’ll just…I’m fine. I don’t have a cold (read: a will to live) anymore.

I just had to get out of that place. Unfortunately, later that night it became clear that I would not sleep without something like Nyquil. That’s when Carson, being the amazing human he is, went to a different pharmacy and simply said he had a cold and wanted the day/nighttime pills. So heroic. I slept like the impatient baby that I am that night.

In other news, we finally had our official first week of classes. I wasn’t entirely sure what I would be doing, but I assumed it would involve sitting in the corner of a classroom and occasionally explaining idioms or how to pronounce certain words. I was totally fine with that, because I had more or less lost my voice and only had about one long conversation left in me. This also means I had prepared absolutely nothing.

When I got to the school, my mentor professor gave me my schedule (which inexplicably identifies me as Madame Rachel Jackson, the German teaching assistant) and I went to the classroom listed for my first course. The room was filled with students, but I didn’t see the teacher.

Me: Hey guys... is your teacher just late?

Student: No, he is in other room.

After an extended and confusing interaction with the students, I realized that I was, in fact, the teacher. This was kind of problematic since I didn’t know what the class was studying or who the actual teacher even was and, worst of all, I sounded like a 60 year old man who had smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day since his youth. I almost had a mild freak out, but then remembered it was France and more likely than not, nobody cared what I was doing in that classroom. I ended up making it an “introduction” day and, to my surprise, having a really great time.

After this class, I felt like a little bit of clarification was in order so I went to see my professor, who explained that I would be teaching literally all of my classes alone. I told her that was fine but my voice was about to give out, and she proceeded to give me a box of tiny little pills. She instructed me to take one and my voice would be magically fixed. I continue to have no idea what these things actually are but they worked surprisingly well and I ate about 17 of them. Hopefully that is somewhat close to the recommended dosage.

I also went around and asked some of the other teachers what subjects they were covering in their classes so I could plan my lessons around their curriculums. It became obvious that they did not care at all what I did as long as I got the students to speak in English. Only one teacher specified what I should discuss:

Teacher: Oh, well since it’s a literature class, just talk about literature.

Me: All right, I can do that. Do you have a list of books that they’re reading this year?

Teacher: Well, no. It doesn’t have to be that specific.

Me: Okay, got it. Is there any time period or genre or techniques...

Teacher: No. Just literature.

So...that narrowed it down.

Anyway, I didn’t know how I would feel about teaching, but it turns out that I really really like it; I basically get to talk endlessly about myself/whatever I want to a captive audience who already thinks I’m super cool solely based on the fact that I’m American. All of my classes went really well the first day, and the kids were very respectful and participative. The only issue I had was with my last class of the day. Granted, it was 3pm and at that point no one is thinking about anything but going home. No matter what I did, they would not speak; they just stared blankly every time I asked a question. I was also very tired after having taught 5 classes in a row, so things started to get weird. To my recollection, the conversation went like this:

Me: If you guys don’t start responding, we’re going to go around the room and everyone has to say the word “squirrel.”

**Side note: squirrel is possibly the most hilarious English word for French people to say

Students: *Staring blankly*

Me: I’m serious. I’ll do it.

Students: *Blank stares turn more into looks of confusion/fear*

Me: Fine. But this is your doing. *Points at terrified student* You, say squirrel.

Student: *Looks around at friends, clearly has no idea what a squirrel is* Eh... Sqwee-rreel? What is this?

I then realized that the word for squirrel in French is equally impossible/hilarious for English speakers to pronounce, so instead of subjecting myself to that humiliation, I just started acting like a squirrel and scampering around the classroom. Much better.

Other than that, the first week was very successful. I’m generally with pretty advanced students, which makes my job very easy. I feel more or less like an imposter eOn Friday I just took in a deck of cards and taught them how to play black jack/casino and card terms. This will surely be very helpful knowledge when taking the baccalaureate.

Aside from school, this week was super busy because I was commissioned to compose a song by someone on the freelance website I use. So, instead of writing blogs on the train, I was doing that. Hence why this post is enormous and choppy.

LAST THING... Carson’s first week also went very well and his tutoring gigs are a great side job. He reports that he has nothing else to report.

Happy Sunday to all!